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Mama Christy'sReflections of a short fat woman in a tall skinny world.
January 12 The Choking GameMy phone rang Monday afternoon. It was the elementary school Principal. My kids weren't due back until Tuesday.
'We're calling all the parents,' she said, 'because we received some sad and alarming news today. One of our students, a sixth grader (in W's class) passed away Friday. While we would have notified everyone anyway, we needed to speak to the older ones' parents as quickly as possible. The student who died, did so as a result of playing the 'choking game.' We have reason to believe it's been introduced to the school by a couple of students and may have been discussed amongst many of them. We needed you to be aware so you could talk to your children about it immediately.'
If you don't know what the choking game is, please research for yourself information on this incredibly dangerous activity. I usually like to put positive things up in my Nerd Searches but this is important, so I've included the Google Search results page for it in there. Please look to the upper left corner of my blog.
In short: the choking game is generally practiced by young teens and/or adults, though it may continue into later adulthood. The airway is contricted, either manually or through the use of an apparatus such as a rope or a noose. Oxygen deprivation causes the participant to become lightheaded, sometimes to lose conciousness and wake up feeling dizzy, a mild high. Some people engage in this activity as part of masturbation, though not always and it isn't known if that was the case with W's classmate.
Anytime the brain is deprived of Oxygen there is a possibility of permanent damage. The heart, lungs and brain are put under stress and in some people this can trigger a stroke or heart attack. If the person has used the aforementioned apparatus to assist them and they actually lose conciousness, they can simply die from asphyxiation because they are not able to loosen the item constricting their airway. Partially for this reason, some young people engage in this activity in groups of two or more, though this doesn't pervent accidents and complications.
We do not have many details about what happened to this boy It really doesn't matter either way. The point is this: he was participating in this activity and it caused him to die. No parent should have to lose a child in this (or any) manner; no sibling or grandparent.
I talked to W about this immediately, first about the death of his classmate and then about how he died. He was very shocked but also honest: The boy was not really his friend, more of an acquaintance. Even though they were in the same class, the boys were not close. W had heard about the choking game, though the kids apparently call it something else (which they won't tell me), but had never participated and wasn't aware of any of his classmates doing so.
Out of respect for the Principal's request, I asked W to tell P about his classmate's death but not the manner thereof. Mrs. B specifically asked that we not talk about it to the younger children if possible, as she felt they wouldn't understand.
I hugged each of my little people harder and longer than I'd hugged them in a long time that night when I got home. Cowboy did the same; we were both feeling it. Somewhere in our community, there were parents who couldn't hug their kid that night. It hit us hard.
I prepared Will for what might transpire the next day; this is a big deal, there would be lots of talking about this boy, about what happened about and about how W and his classmates felt about the boy and how they felt about what happened. It is perfectly ok to cry about it if you feel the need: if you're scared, sad, mad or any other emotion. It's also perfectly ok, though, to not cry about it. Sometimes when someone you know dies you think you SHOULD cry but you can't or you don't feel the need. That's ok too.
It's also ok to say that this boy was your acquaintaince but not your friend. Expect that some kids who were mean to him or just never noticed him at all might start saying they were his best friend. Sometimes people feel guilty or sometimes they just forget how it really was once that person is gone.
W came home and offered interesting and again, very honest reactions the next day: Mr. J cried a lot and told the class that losing a student can be like losing a friend and a child at the same time. Some kids did start saying they were friends with the boy even when they hadn't been but not all of them. Many children reflected on what the boy was really like and realized now that he had tried to be kind, had done some very nice things for some of their classmates; things they didn't appreciate until now, when he was gone.
As for P and the other younger children; word gets around fast. By Wednesday he knew how the 6th grader had died, though he'd been told in a way that wasn't completely accurate. At that point, I felt fine about tell him what really happened; far better that than have leave him misinformed. This impacted the girls also, the student's older sister attends S's middle school and even the high school students knew what had happened and were discussing it amongst themselves.
I let my song make up his own mind about whether or not to attend the funeral services today; I was not able to take any days off work. W decided that he did want to go and arranged his ride w/ a classmate's family. He felt it was the right and respectful thing to do, for the boy's family, for his teacher and for his own conscience. I respect that very much. The father taking our boys to the services expressed the same sentiments as we've been feeling; our shock and grief for the parents and our respect for the reaction of our sons, the desire to comfort the parents and one another.
I was shocked by the number of adults I know who have engaged in this, discovered just by mentioning the situation with home and school. I was more shocked at the reaction most of them had that it isn't a big deal and that something else must have been wrong with the boy for him to die. This IS a big deal and it is not at all unusual for something to go horribly wrong during the activity, causing the death of the participant. If you did this as a kid and lived, you're lucky, your parents are really lucky. I've discovered it's a quiet epidemic and the number of fatalities each year is increasing. Please talk to your children, tell them how dangerous this is and that there are lots of other ways to get a natural high; excersise, performance and achievement just to mention a few.
It's sad how many things we have to talk to our children about, how many things can take them from us so early. It's sad how many times we hear stories like this young boy's and how many families discover there's a quiet problem too late to fix it. My community is mourning a life lost before it began, I hope we find growth from the experience.
December 28 FAQsQ.: Did you fall off the Earth AGAIN?
A.: Nope. The holidays were crazy, and we were swamped here at work. Someday I'll be able to blog regularly again... sigh
Q.: Did you get a lot of snow out there?
A.: Well, here are a couple examples to give you an idea how much we got: 1) my rat terrier jumped off the second step of our porch Thursday morning and disappeared; the snow was deeper than he is tall. 2) my 4x4 3/4ton Suburban was stuck three times before 6:00AM and it never got out of our cul de sac.
Q.: Did you miss work?
A.: Cowboy and I both went to work Wedneday and were both sent home early that day. My company asked for volunteers to stay overnight at a hotel: you had to agree to work 3 hours of OT Wednesday, then a 12 hour day the next. They'd pay for your hotel, your meals and gave out additional gift cards as rewards. It was tempting but I felt I needed to be with my family more, so I turned them down. Cowboy had much farther to come but left earlier; our drives were about the same. We both made it safely, though our drives were hairy. I missed 2 1/2 days of work, one of which I'd already scheduled off anyway.
Q.: Is everybody ok?
A.: Short answer: Yes. Long Answer: School was cancelled (including Finals for the high school student) for the last 3 days of the term. The minute I slowed down though, my immune system went kaput and a minor sinus infection became a serious one. Ear infection, the whole nine yards. It's no fun to be sick on Christmas but we made it work.
Q.: What'd you get for Christmas?
A.: An iPod! Thirty gig video. Very cool. A Bluetooth headset, also very cool.
Q.: More importantly, what did you EAT for Christmas Eve?
A.: Saturday, I made 2 lasagnas ahead of time and let them sit all night soaking in their juices in the fridge. I went to our gourmet grocery store chain and picked up the best herbs, sausage and cheeses I could find (btw, someday I need to blog about the gourmet grocery store and how much I love it there). Since I wasn't feeling up to being a hostess, my mother in law graciously volunteered her home for Christmas Eve dinner. All we had to go was get there, pop the dishes into the oven and wait. It was heavenly! Possibly the best lasagnas I've ever made, no complaints from any member of the family, either.
Q.: Could Christmas dinner have been even better?
A.: Possibly! I did new spins on things everybody already loves plus one great new discovery. We made a cranberry orange glaze for the ham (thank you WeightWatchers!) which was tangy, sweet and just right. The potatoes were cut up then tossed with olive oil, garlic, thyme, salt and pepper and then roasted for 40 minutes. We had a reduced fat green bean casserole that might have been better than the original Finally... Tadah! A way to cook carrots that makes them come out firm, juicy and sweet: 2 lbs baby carrots tossed 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1tbsp honey, a dash of salt and 2 tbspns water. Roasted at 400 degrees onto a nonstick sprayed cookie sheet and roasted for 20-30 minutes. The only complication to this dinner was the lack of oven space. We were saved because we had access to a huge oven and the ham was cooked in a separate roaster.
Q.: What's next?
A.: The snow is falling once again; we're expecting 12-18 inches by tomorrow afternoon. I agreed to stay tonight at the hotel (we weren't asked for overtime tonight) so that I can be sure I'll make it to work tomorrow. Cowboy is incredibly swamped at work, working overtime to replace transmissions for what seems like every private snowplowing outfit in town. That's actually good news: this week is traditionally one of the slowest in the industry. Hopefully, he'll make it safely home tonight, back to work and back home tomorrow. If not, here's hoping we're reunited before the year ends!
December 06 Reasons of the SeasonIt's not what you think, no preaching, no gospelizing (not that there's anything wrong with that, to borrow from Seinfeld). This is simply another one of those 'Reasons I'm Happy Today' only this is 'Reasons This Season Makes Me Happy.'
November 29 Where the HECK Have I Been?Where HAVE I been?
Looking back over the last month, I've pretty much been here, at work, for most of it.
What HAVE I been doing?
Working. A lot. With a heavy call volume and no time for family, fun or, even blogging.
What's NEW?
Let's see, with me? Not too much. With my life, quite a bit. Let's break out the bullet points, shall we? Because you know how much I love bullet points.
~^*^~
~^*^~ Come to Think of It I do have some news myself. After years of squeaking through by laughing at the right times and looking as if I knew what others were talking about, I have finally begun my education. It's true. Dan has lent me his bound edition of the first five books in The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy series.
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